we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
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In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
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Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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