I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
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So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize