don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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