I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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