1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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