You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
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I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
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I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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