My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize