I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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