i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
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i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
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If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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