Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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