Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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