Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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