is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
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By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
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Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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