Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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