We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
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P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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