i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Shame - the story of my life.
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