I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
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boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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