Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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