I heard we made out
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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