I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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