How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
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I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
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I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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