then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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