man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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