You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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