So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I had to cum in my sink.
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