I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize