Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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