i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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