apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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