Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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