what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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