ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
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I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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