I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize