Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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