i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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