wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
third nipple confirmed
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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