Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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