he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Shame is for Republicans.
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