with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
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she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
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You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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