He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
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We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
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This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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