How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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