i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
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He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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