The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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