Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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