i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
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for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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