Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk is not a location!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dick very happy bro
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize