I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
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There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
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Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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