yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize