I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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