Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize